The Weekend Film Review: Harry Potter and The Order Of The Phoenix
HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX MOVIE REVIEW
by Kamafi Adio
by Kamafi Adio
THE SHORT OF IT
Shorter and faster, yet somehow slower.
THE LONG OF IT
The film opens up in the world's spookiest playground with Harry trying to have some alone time with a swing
that's spoiled by his cousin Dudley. The portly Dudley tries to play bully and ends up on the wrong end
of a Dementor which forces Harry open a can of Patronus whup-ass and save Dudley's life. But by doing this he
breaks the wizard law and is put on trial. It seems the Wizards think he's been lying about the return of the dark
Lord Voldemort and want to use the trial as an attempt to punish him soundly. But alas, Dumbledore pulls Harry's
fat out of the fire and whisks him off the school by basically declaring that something is wrong with the wizard
government called the Ministry of Magic. While at school, the previous four movies have left Harry a reclusive,
temperamental shell of himself who really just wants to be left alone. Too bad because not only is Voldemort
recruiting an army to join his dark forces, he manipulates events so that the new Defense Against the Dark Arts
teacher, Dolores Umbridge, infiltrates and eventually takes over the school. Now Harry is safe nowhere and since
he can no longer he only has one choice left - to start an army of his own...
Shorter and faster, yet somehow slower.
THE LONG OF IT
The film opens up in the world's spookiest playground with Harry trying to have some alone time with a swing
that's spoiled by his cousin Dudley. The portly Dudley tries to play bully and ends up on the wrong end
of a Dementor which forces Harry open a can of Patronus whup-ass and save Dudley's life. But by doing this he
breaks the wizard law and is put on trial. It seems the Wizards think he's been lying about the return of the dark
Lord Voldemort and want to use the trial as an attempt to punish him soundly. But alas, Dumbledore pulls Harry's
fat out of the fire and whisks him off the school by basically declaring that something is wrong with the wizard
government called the Ministry of Magic. While at school, the previous four movies have left Harry a reclusive,
temperamental shell of himself who really just wants to be left alone. Too bad because not only is Voldemort
recruiting an army to join his dark forces, he manipulates events so that the new Defense Against the Dark Arts
teacher, Dolores Umbridge, infiltrates and eventually takes over the school. Now Harry is safe nowhere and since
he can no longer he only has one choice left - to start an army of his own...
REVIEW
What can you say about a new Harry Potter flick? It's like a new Dre album, you know the beats will be
banging but there's always something in the delivery that's a bit off. I've always that Harry as a character was a
bit of wimp. After four movies, there are no Harry quotables, no established Harry scenes, nothing about the
boy that would make him stand out on the street. And as non-fan of the books, the only thing that kept me
coming back was Alfonso Cuaron's spectacular Prisoner of Azkaban, considered by many to be the best
directed entry into the franchise so far.
But really what is it about Harry that keeps people coming back? I now know that it isn't the character but the
world and a sense of accomplishment. After seeing one, how can you not see them all, we are a country of
completists and even if we don't get it we finish things anyway. I've always thought that the idea of making
seven movies based off seven unwritten books was risky but it has paid off in spades with the young
Mr. Potter ranking third in all time franchise box office, after Star Wars and James Bond.
What can you say about a new Harry Potter flick? It's like a new Dre album, you know the beats will be
banging but there's always something in the delivery that's a bit off. I've always that Harry as a character was a
bit of wimp. After four movies, there are no Harry quotables, no established Harry scenes, nothing about the
boy that would make him stand out on the street. And as non-fan of the books, the only thing that kept me
coming back was Alfonso Cuaron's spectacular Prisoner of Azkaban, considered by many to be the best
directed entry into the franchise so far.
But really what is it about Harry that keeps people coming back? I now know that it isn't the character but the
world and a sense of accomplishment. After seeing one, how can you not see them all, we are a country of
completists and even if we don't get it we finish things anyway. I've always thought that the idea of making
seven movies based off seven unwritten books was risky but it has paid off in spades with the young
Mr. Potter ranking third in all time franchise box office, after Star Wars and James Bond.
As for the movie, this was by far the darkest entry, from Harry's playground battle with the Dementors, to his
torture by Dolores, to that final battle with Voldermort. The action in this thing was brutal for an American kids
film. I was kidding about torture either. When Dolores descends upon the school, decked out in Pepto-Bismol
Pink and pill-box hats, she seemed like a kooky neighbor you tried to avoid on the way to work. Then the
freaking flips and turns into the Marquis De Sade, actually forcing children to write with wands that left bloody
marks all over their bodies. But Immelda Staunton played her Dolores to the hilt and if this was any other
movie she might snag an Oscar nod. Her performance was that creepy.
And this was in a movie that featured an orgy of creepy performances, from Luna Lovegood, the
albino-haired student who could see these dragon-like horses because of her experience with death, to
Helena Carter's brief but wonderfully sadistic turn as Bellatrix Lestrange, and let's not forget Voldermort's
noseless sneer. The only non-creepy people in the whole movie were the Potter Posse, Ron, Hermione,
Neville, etc. But in keeping with the incredibly dark tone, the Posse was little more than window dressing in
this one. The only bright spot being a quick smooch Harry got from the chick who snubbed him last movie.
Other than that bring a flashlight or some Patronus charms because this is pitch-black.
torture by Dolores, to that final battle with Voldermort. The action in this thing was brutal for an American kids
film. I was kidding about torture either. When Dolores descends upon the school, decked out in Pepto-Bismol
Pink and pill-box hats, she seemed like a kooky neighbor you tried to avoid on the way to work. Then the
freaking flips and turns into the Marquis De Sade, actually forcing children to write with wands that left bloody
marks all over their bodies. But Immelda Staunton played her Dolores to the hilt and if this was any other
movie she might snag an Oscar nod. Her performance was that creepy.
And this was in a movie that featured an orgy of creepy performances, from Luna Lovegood, the
albino-haired student who could see these dragon-like horses because of her experience with death, to
Helena Carter's brief but wonderfully sadistic turn as Bellatrix Lestrange, and let's not forget Voldermort's
noseless sneer. The only non-creepy people in the whole movie were the Potter Posse, Ron, Hermione,
Neville, etc. But in keeping with the incredibly dark tone, the Posse was little more than window dressing in
this one. The only bright spot being a quick smooch Harry got from the chick who snubbed him last movie.
Other than that bring a flashlight or some Patronus charms because this is pitch-black.
It even ends with the death of a character I thought lived way too long anyway, but still it was a bit unexpected
because it was seemingly anti-climactic. Hands down the best scene and the reason to pony up full price was
the Death Eaters vs. Dumbledore's Army shootout at the end. Imagine a Wild West gunfight with wands
instead of guns. And I go straight geek for the parts where Voldemort is spitting out so much dark energy it
turns from lightning to foam. Foam! Genius. That sends the effects into the stratosphere to me. Too bad with
the shorter running time, Immelda's wickedly delicious performance, and the wand shootout, the film still feels
slow. Maybe next time they should, dare I say it, brighten the mood a bit.
because it was seemingly anti-climactic. Hands down the best scene and the reason to pony up full price was
the Death Eaters vs. Dumbledore's Army shootout at the end. Imagine a Wild West gunfight with wands
instead of guns. And I go straight geek for the parts where Voldemort is spitting out so much dark energy it
turns from lightning to foam. Foam! Genius. That sends the effects into the stratosphere to me. Too bad with
the shorter running time, Immelda's wickedly delicious performance, and the wand shootout, the film still feels
slow. Maybe next time they should, dare I say it, brighten the mood a bit.
BOTTOM LINE
Despite having one of the series' better plots, the introduction of a teacher who can finally scare Alan Rickman's
scene-stealing Snape, and a wicked wand battle -- a distant Harry, distances the audience and leaves me wanting
to turn on the lights.
Despite having one of the series' better plots, the introduction of a teacher who can finally scare Alan Rickman's
scene-stealing Snape, and a wicked wand battle -- a distant Harry, distances the audience and leaves me wanting
to turn on the lights.
RATING
If this is you're first Potter film FULL PRICE.
If this is your fifth, then HALF PRICE.
MY RATING SYSTEM
I never understood stars. What the F**** does 3 stars mean? I rate movies based on how much cheddar I have to
spend. 'Cuz really aren't some movies are good because you saw them for free?
Full Price = Stop looking at porn and go see it right now!
Half Price = It can wait, but you should see it on the bigscreen.
DVD = Not a bad way to kill 2 hours, but not worth.
Cable = Okay to kill time with while you wait for your microwave dinner to finish.
CAST
Daniel Radcliffe as Harry
Rupert Grint as Ron
Emma Watson as Hermione
Immelda Staunton as Dolores Umbridge
Ralph Fiennes as Lord Voldemort
Special Appearance by Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange
Directed by David Yates
Daniel Radcliffe as Harry
Rupert Grint as Ron
Emma Watson as Hermione
Immelda Staunton as Dolores Umbridge
Ralph Fiennes as Lord Voldemort
Special Appearance by Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange
Directed by David Yates
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